Couch Communicators Pillows

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

TV-Man

'Seriously. You have to get one of these.'

'At least he isn't into drugs.'

'John is watching the game under protest.'

'Call 911! He watched 12 straight hours of football without training adequately.'

"Fancy dyeing your hair white so everyone could see it was you who played a shocker!"

"We subscribe to five streaming services so why are we never able to see the hot new show everybody is raving about?"

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

"Arthur, the bird's gone and done it again."

"It was your father's idea - He can't bear to miss a second of the game."

Randolph maintains a stiff upper lip while the rest of him just goes to hell.

"Shouldn't you boys be out fighting crime somewhere?" "Yeah, yeah, whatever." "I could use another beer while you're up." "I ain't goin' on no airplane!" "Anyone pay the cable bill?" The A-Hole Team

"I want an instant replay of you taking out the garbage."

'That's a full ten minutes with the TV off. What now?'

"There's got to be an easier way to lie around the house."

'I'm going to refer you to Dr. Keinsorge -- he actually enjoys this sort of thing.'

'Well, at least there's no chance of you suffering from repetative strain injury.'

"It's time to get the couch gutters cleaned again."

"No, playing fantasy football doesn't count as exercise. No wonder you pulled a muscle getting up on the table."

'Next on News 7...GM offers to bail out the government in the event of a shutdown...'

'I can grant you 3 wishes as long as none of them are about getting up on the furniture.'

"I am a control freak."

'I'm going to refer you to Dr. Keinsorge -- he actually enjoys this sort of thing.'

The four freedoms: freedom to bark, freedom from fetching, freedom to sleep on any piece of furniture, freedom from leashes.

"Have we scored yet?"

'You went to obedience school and you're still not allowed on the couch? What a gyp.'

Colin attempts to be useful around the house didn't always have the desired effect.

"We've just crossed the line between binge viewing and OCD viewing."

Naughty kids watching TV and telling their slack dad to go back to his kennel.