Cosmos Conversationalist Gifts

"What do you mean you don't like Star Wars?"

"The good news is, our repeated electronic messages into space have received a response. The bad news is, they've put us on their 'do not call' list."

"Space is curved and time is relative? Yeah, OK...I'm calling you a cab right now, buddy."

"...Ooh, I wanna know more about your dark side!"

'I can't stand his 'holier than thou' attitude.'

"Now can I be in one of your comics?"

"Look what followed me home Mom. Can I keep it and call it Rover?"

"Dunno...they all look the same to me..."

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

"You sure are ringin' my bell, Baby!"

Sigh. They never ask me to play.

"Hey, universe! I'm significant and I'm in charge!"

"Two things are infinite: The universe and human stupididy' and I'm not sure about the universe." Albert Einstein. Our colleague and I were going to debate, with me arguing the universe is finite and he's arguing that it's infinite. But he pulled out saying the debate organizers are biased against his position. He didn't believe they were simply advising folks to arrive early when they said "space is limited."

"Sadie, they found a planet orbiting Proxima Centauri. That makes way over 1,000 planets we've discovered in my lifetime." "It must be exciting for you, discovering there are 1,000 worlds full of people who can't possibly know what a doofus you are." "...Unless they've got telescopes." "It is exciting. Now I know how you must've felt when Oog the Caveman discovered Venus." "I see you're bringing what passes for your 'A-game' today."

'To become ONE with the Universe, you must first become COMPLIANT with the Universe!'

'I love your bangs.'

When Euclid and Galileo get together they talk about parallel universes.

But It's Cold

"You've got a vow of silence? How interesting! Tell me all about that!"

'Everything's heavenly! How about you?'

'I'm just sayin', with this cute little face and my big fluffy tail, I never really thought of myself as vermin!'

'So, what did you decide - Flat earth or 3-D?'

"It seems like all we talk about anymore is the weather."

'Still saving money to finish that nose job eh?'

'Oh, you're from earth. Do you know Aaron Michaelson?'

"You're part of the NASA Space Program! Really? I've heard that lame pick-up line sooo many times..."

'The Big Bang theory of creation.'

"Behold, as I guide our conversation to my narrow area of expertise."

'I tell you what, no more dates with Astronomers! What I thought would be a romantic walk under the stars ended up being a two-hour Physics lecture...'

'I chase women, but only to tell them about investment opportunities.'

'I know about the birds, but what about the bees?'

The Devil and an angel talk by the water cooler.

"There's a smidgen of Charlie Rose about you."

"You have a really weird energy."

"Sure, we have problems, but at least we can talk about them."