Cosmic Laugher Gifts

"I warned you not to use that club...now look, you struck oil!"

"It's not safe to keep meeting like this."

"Eureka!!" "Guess again, Einstein."

Police Lineup Escape

'Never go berry pickin' on an empty stomach.'

"You've been around here longer than I have. What are 'congressional ethics'?"

"A cashier told me to have a nice day and I didn't. Am I liable or can I sue her?"

"Listen, if this takes much longer I'll be late for work and I'll be a dead man!"

Coast to coast.

'But we've got laws on the books now that we can't enforce!'

Jury Bribes.

'The computer must be on the blink if it sent a questionnaire to him!'

'Litigate not, least ye be litigated against!'

"And here we have a very rare and unusual piece titled 'The Last Remaining Open Seat.'"

Astronaut Slips On A Banana Peel

"I thought you said you were watching your weight!"

'Don't tell me we live in a litigious society... I ought to sue you for saying that!'

'We're looking for a mother figure.'

'I drank to a lawyer's health, and now he's slapped me with a malpractice suit.'

Escaping surgery.

"Any advance on 'cat wazz'?

"Yes, they offer free delivery. But when an on-line seller laughs, does their belly shake like a bowl full of jelly?"

"That's OK. I'll get the next one."

"You bite me again and I'll sue."

'Never ever will I move by train again.'

'Well I'll be damned, you got me on a technicality.'

'Both prosecution and defense must submit any unwritten laws in writing.'

'I don't teach my students about the Bill of Rights any more -- it just makes them unruly.'

'Mine is a rags to riches story. Actually, it's more like an off-the-rack to a $20 billion family hedge fund story.'

"Well, the satnav said turn left."

Bird Pool

'People say that 'Money Talks'. Guys, I'd love to hear some.'