Cosmic Jokes Gifts

"Hit 'em right after they won the lottery."

'Houston, I'm prepared to land...'

"Our light bill is astronomical living next to a black hole."

"Don't worry, they normally look like little humans during the early scans."

"Please ask your pet to kindly put down the weapon."

"Houston, we have a problem."

You too?! I go around feeling half asleep all the time also!

"Abduction 101, when abducting eggs from a primitive planet always lower the temperature in the ship!"

'You forgot to pay the gravity bill, didn't you?'

God Sneezes Out Creation

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

"Up here, light is neither a particle nor a wave. It's a liquid."

C'mon, it'll be fun! I'll throw on some stars, pop in a few planets, drum up a life form or two, and this place will be hoppin'! The Big Shebang Theory.

"The stars were much more beautiful from Earth."

"On the eighth day, God found a lot of assembly parts left over."

"I've heard that seeing the earth from outer space can really change your perspective. I couldn't agree more."

'I don't know which was prettier - the meteor shower or the cascade of flaming space junk.'

'Gravity...Go figure!'

"Honestly, I didn't know your wife was in the shower."

"Hey! If you're here to marvel at the smallness of your existence within a glorious, vast and unknowable universe, there's a line!"

Save Our Universe

Clown God

'...heard the one about the Venusian, the Martian and the Saturnian?'

God not-too-happy with the Humans sticking a 'Closing DOWN Sale!' sign on planet Earth

'You've orbited the Earth in a NASA spacecraft! Wow! Me, I've jumped over the Moon...'

"Stupid map ... that dot must cover 10,000 cubic light years."

'You caught it, you gut it!'

"Not now, Oliver."

Man at penthouse party walks out onto terrace and is startled to see the Earth, instead of the moon, shining in the sky.

"Of course it's alien abductions! How else would you explain the, 'November Phenomenon'?"

The Origins of Everything

Science fiction fans on other planets

"Some mid-life crisis that turned out to be."

STRIP God' s dog urinating on planet Earth

That's all very well sir, but is it full strength, low fat, high calcium or soy?