Cosmic Irony Fan Gifts

Unlucky Heather

It is said there is a black hole in the middle of the galaxy. But heaven knows what it looks like!

"Every abductee gets a souvenir mug."

Mort Park! You mean Killer. You're sprung, Killer. I'm free to go? Unless you're so tough now you'd rather stay. I mean a guy named Killer probably likes jail. Mail me my blanky.

"He's Right Behind Me, Isn't He?"

'In a bizarre set of circumstances, the book salesman never showed up, but a drug rep is here with samples of Prozac.'

Gigolo Diary

"Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned." "Give me all the juicy details."

'Don't sweat it - We grade on the curve.'

It's my manifesto on living "off the grid," mainly compiled from my blog, tweets and Facebook posts.

Search for Extraterrestrial Life. Ernie is working on a theory that alien life forms avoid the Milky Way galaxy because they're lactose intolerant.

"I think we walked into the wrong bar."

"It's from our tax consultant. We forgot to beef up our pension scheme, so now we're going to be extinct."

'Ooh, look! A shooting star. Make a wish.'

'This won't hurt a bit...'

'I come from. . . URANUS!'

Heaven Security Checks.

Extraterrestrials Watchers Club.

'I thought I smelled oxygen!'

'Brilliant disguise, Agent X.'

"If I get this phone completed, fire will follow."

God at the Galalactic Videostore

'You said to hurry, so we used amino acids instead of dust.'

Moon Dog at earth.

The Booty Call of Cthulhu

Man: 'What the...?!' / 404 ERROR!

'He's petitioning the Government to ban petitions.'

An office collection for an employee penniless from too many office collections

"Psst. . . want to see what women from Venus really look like?"

'I found twelve hostile life forms. Several of them are fairly close to you.'

'Uh oh. Assteroids.'

"Thank you, guys! Finally I don't have to spend Christmas with the annoying family."

"Nobody 'leaked' your transgressions, Mister. We know everything up here."

"Pay no attention to Brian, he's always playing the victim."

First encounters of the awkward kind.