Cosmic Counselor Gifts

You have a lot of patients coming to your for counseling! Yeah, I just saw a supernova who is dealing with burnout. Later, I'll see Pluto about his inferiority complex and a black hole who wants to fill a void in its life. Then Hailey's Comet and his wife will discuss why he's rarely there for her. Since your practice went universal it just keeps expanding! You're so busy! Yeah, my head is spinning!

Know your future horoscope: "The damn weather satellites are raising hell with your chart!"

Boptimism

An 'out of this-world' soccor player stops the penalty his way!

"Hey, I'm just playing devil's avocado!"

"...Ooh, I wanna know more about your dark side!"

'Are you sure You can be objective? -After all, You did CREATE them.'

'Dad, do you you think there's s**t on other planets?'

Frank and Ernest Celestial Accountants. How's the audit of the Bankrupt Universe, Inc. going, Ernie? At first I thought it was a personnel problem -- Halley's Comet shows up once every seventy-six years, the supernovas are a bunch of burnouts and of course planet Mercury only works eighty-eight days a year. But the real problem isn't personnel, it's corporate strategy! Strategy? What's wrong? Universe, Inc. thinks it can keep expanding and expanding forever and ever!

'I can't stand his 'holier than thou' attitude.'

"Lighten up! Your charts aren't that bad."

"Shall we put it in play?"

Lazy man contemplates the moment of creation.

'I just can't keep up with the conversations in deep space.'

Self Storage Unit

"You're everyman? But I thought I was everyman."

'What? -- I send you all this great sunlight, and you waste it growing PROTOPLASM?'

"He doesn't like dinosaurs."

'I think Mr. Teddy's getting too dependent on me.'

"I find it helps to imagine Go as some kind of divine creator."

"Wow, souls seem a lot heavier lately"

"Sadie, they found a planet orbiting Proxima Centauri. That makes way over 1,000 planets we've discovered in my lifetime." "It must be exciting for you, discovering there are 1,000 worlds full of people who can't possibly know what a doofus you are." "...Unless they've got telescopes." "It is exciting. Now I know how you must've felt when Oog the Caveman discovered Venus." "I see you're bringing what passes for your 'A-game' today."

'Since the universe is rapidly expanding, there's a lot more that we have to worry about now.'

'To become ONE with the Universe, you must first become COMPLIANT with the Universe!'

Apocalipsis

"I'd like to explore the futures market."

'The bartender referred me to a shoe shine boy, and the shoe shine boy referred me to you.'

"Flat-earthers and round-earthers reach a compromise."

When Euclid and Galileo get together they talk about parallel universes.

"For what it's worth, next week all your stars and planets will be in good aspect for you to launch an invasion of England."

'My astrologer says one thing, my guru says another, my psychiatrist says something else - I don't know who to turn to anymore.'

"This human experiment has gone on long enough. Give the hippos control."

Men Are From Mars

Off the wall legal advisor.

'I'm terribly mixed up.'