Cosmic Counselor T-Shirts

Know your future horoscope: "The damn weather satellites are raising hell with your chart!"

Boptimism

"Hey, I'm just playing devil's avocado!"

An 'out of this-world' soccor player stops the penalty his way!

"...Ooh, I wanna know more about your dark side!"

'Are you sure You can be objective? -After all, You did CREATE them.'

'Dad, do you you think there's s**t on other planets?'

'I can't stand his 'holier than thou' attitude.'

"Lighten up! Your charts aren't that bad."

"Shall we put it in play?"

Lazy man contemplates the moment of creation.

'I just can't keep up with the conversations in deep space.'

'I think Mr. Teddy's getting too dependent on me.'

"He doesn't like dinosaurs."

"Sadie, they found a planet orbiting Proxima Centauri. That makes way over 1,000 planets we've discovered in my lifetime." "It must be exciting for you, discovering there are 1,000 worlds full of people who can't possibly know what a doofus you are." "...Unless they've got telescopes." "It is exciting. Now I know how you must've felt when Oog the Caveman discovered Venus." "I see you're bringing what passes for your 'A-game' today."

'What? -- I send you all this great sunlight, and you waste it growing PROTOPLASM?'

Self Storage Unit

"You're everyman? But I thought I was everyman."

"Wow, souls seem a lot heavier lately"

"I find it helps to imagine Go as some kind of divine creator."

'Since the universe is rapidly expanding, there's a lot more that we have to worry about now.'

'To become ONE with the Universe, you must first become COMPLIANT with the Universe!'

"I'd like to explore the futures market."

'My astrologer says one thing, my guru says another, my psychiatrist says something else - I don't know who to turn to anymore.'

"Flat-earthers and round-earthers reach a compromise."

"For what it's worth, next week all your stars and planets will be in good aspect for you to launch an invasion of England."

Apocalipsis

'The bartender referred me to a shoe shine boy, and the shoe shine boy referred me to you.'

"This human experiment has gone on long enough. Give the hippos control."

Men Are From Mars

Off the wall legal advisor.

"Totality was great, but now that it's over I'm like, 'What am I even doing?'"

"You're part of the NASA Space Program! Really? I've heard that lame pick-up line sooo many times..."