Cosmic Chuckle Enthusiasts Gifts

'Sorry, I already have a Comet!'

"Oh, no - Karen baked a cake so dense that not even light can escape."

"And the Hungriest Black Hole there ever was ate everything in the entire universe and lived happily ever after."

"Your mom needs to know that you made it here OK, and your dad wants to know if you could use a few bucks."

"It's scary that humans are our benchmark for intelligent life in the universe."

Solar Gain: "Be honest: does the new planet make me look fat?"

First Contact

"So much for finding intelligent life on this planet."

"Thank you earthlings, without your space junk we would be nothing."

"With the whole world in NATO, we won't have to take any more crap from Mars."

Climbing to the moon

"Whoa. Have you lost weight, professor?"

'They're out there, they swallow your stuff, and who're you gonna call?'

"Actually, they all look alike to me."

'I'm all tired out from creating - let's just use NATURAL selection from now on.'

"What's so galling is that you don't even realize how Earthist you are."

"Oh, oh - looks like a blue shift."

'I've had a toothache for the last million light years, take me to your dentist.'

"Be realistic, how can lumps of rock zooming around in space affect our lives down here?"

"I was in purgatory only briefly and they've been sending me email newsletters ever since."

"What am I, chopped liver?"

Map of Solar System from Memory.

Hey diddle, diddle, the cat and the fiddle, the cow finally landed on the moon.

"Hey, this is a good bit- did I say that?"

Space Shuttle.

Actually, I think you looked better with Atlantis.

"...but that equals 243 Earth days!"

"Remember, there's an additional charge if you don't refill the tank before you return it."

He's very defensive about his personal space.

"Look...the Pope's not stoppin' by for a little chit chat! He's here to admonish you and revoke your powers in the name of God!"

"Whoa...Somehow I think I deleted too much."

'They come down here to smoke.'

Cheerleaders from another planet

(No caption. Astronaut on the the moon looks at an outhouse with a picture of the Earth where the crescent moon would be.)

'I'm NOT sweating -- those are OCEANS!'