Celestial Chuckles Gifts

"Look...the Pope's not stoppin' by for a little chit chat! He's here to admonish you and revoke your powers in the name of God!"

"I think I forgot to turn off the stove."

"I never knew God was such a sports fan."

'I don't remember predetermining THAT!'

"I'm just glad we got out before interest rates went up again."

'Before you can enter, you need to punch in the verification code so we can be certain that you're a real soul,'

"OMG, LOL!"

"If you get to the pitchfork-shaped cloud, you've gone too far."

'She barely made it out of the atmosphere... next!'

Water is discovered on the moon....

'It's all done with computer animation now.'

"And where do you see yourself in the next 7-8 billion years?"

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"

"Your mom needs to know that you made it here OK, and your dad wants to know if you could use a few bucks."

'Those are the Divinity students.'

'And on June 30th of that same year, you used The Bible as a coaster?'

Shoe repair

Heaven

"Dad, if there's a plot to the universe, can you see any spoilers?"

"Actually, they all look alike to me."

'I'm all tired out from creating - let's just use NATURAL selection from now on.'

'No, please, go on. It's so refreshing to talk to someone with an entirely different point of view.'

Life on cloud 8

God asks an angel for change for a tower viewer.

Be sure to walk you Asteroid twice a day.

'What? -- I send you all this great sunlight, and you waste it growing PROTOPLASM?'

"Up here everything is pretty much opposite."

"Sometimes I miss a good smiting."

'Millions of billions of trillions of light years away? I could visualise it if you said it in MILES!'

"Just a few more minutes. The system's down but we got a guy working on it."

"Oh, oh - looks like a blue shift."

"Look - the FIRST EVER picture of a black hole!! What do you think?"

Mama Z'Belle...astrologer...your fortune based on the science of astronomy: 'Oh, oh it looks like your chart has shifted red...'

"Relax, I grade on the curve."

"I was in purgatory only briefly and they've been sending me email newsletters ever since."