Cosmetic Dentistry Buff T-Shirts

"That's the strongest teeth whitener we carry. Smile in the dark and your mouth becomes a night light."

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

Lady drying hair whilst on exercise bike.

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

"I can never get my sunglasses on my head the way my hairdresser does"

Meanwhile in Hollywood

Emergency numbers on a telephone.

'I ask her to make up her mind. So she powders her forehead.'

"Eternally youthful complexion? Here's the deal. Never go out in the sun. Never eat dessert. And, for God's sake, don't smile."

'This facial cream is called 'High Definition'...it brings out beauty in sharp, wonderful detail.'

Do you think I'm sixty?

The Cat Spa

Sheep In Curlers

'Apply that ointment as directed and call me if the growth does not reduce or it starts to talk.'

"Wow, your mane looks fantastic! New conditioner?"

'Of course she hasn't aged a bit. She's married to a plastic surgeon!'

'My dentist recommended it.'

"Yikes! So many foundations, so little time."

"Here they come: Detox and Botox."

Two men in barber shop

'Will the surgery leave a scar?'

MD - Cosmetic Surgery and Investment Portfolio Makeovers.

"You say you're flossing, but I'm scraping off a lot of tennis ball fuzz."

Level up your game with a MANicure.

"No threat detected. Their vast resources are spent on lasers that combat wrinkles and unwanted hair."

'Of course I'll love you when you 'go grey'... Why shouldn't I... I've loved you through six other shades!'

"Apricot pit?! Are you kidding, Mister? This stuff knocks raw avocado and almond nut outta the water!!!"

'Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's is the fairest arse of all?'

Parrot looking in mirror has feather headdress options.

I just want to look natural. You know, like a movie star.

Closed for the Foreseeable Future

'Your new teeth whitener is keeping me up.'

'Please become a NHS dentist!'

"I had them sharpened so I can eat cows."

"It turs out my milk is actually aging cream...so, I use it to remove all those ugly age spots."