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'Not hard to see who had the cheaper plastic surgery, is it!'

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

"My, grandma, what a big nose you have! Let's take a little off the sides."

"I never thought turning eighty would be so much fun!"

"I can never get my sunglasses on my head the way my hairdresser does"

Meanwhile in Hollywood

Emergency numbers on a telephone.

"No, Doris, not implants!"

"The good news is that your cardiac surgery was a complete success. The bad news is that we had to remove the song from your heart."

'Maybe a helium boob job wasn't such a good idea,babe!'

"He wants to be a plastic surgeon when he grows up."

"Really? You can make me look younger!"

Do you think I'm sixty?

'Of course she hasn't aged a bit. She's married to a plastic surgeon!'

'I know you'll find this hard to believe but I am actually a self made man.'

"If they do let anyone go I don't think age will be a consideration. You shouldn't kill yourself trying to look younger than you are."

"Went with the hair plugs I see."

Become a Cosmetic Surgeon - Raise a Few Eyebrows!

'Here's the name of my cosmetic brain surgeon. He make you look smarter.'

'You do Botox?'

'During the heart-transplant, since it was your birthday, I went ahead and added two more inches, no charge.'

'You know what'll do wonders for you? A nose job.'

Mirror mirror...

'Botox...'

"How are the new lips feeling babe?"

Body Building

"I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon. Now I have to decide whether I want to look old or look weird."

Dr. and Mrs. Steven Mueller.

"It's too late for a nose job and too early for a face-lift."

"I don'y know who did her, but when she laughs the wrinkles go in very weird directions."

MD - Cosmetic Surgery and Investment Portfolio Makeovers.

"I'm thinking considerably longer. How about you, Alan?"

Might be time to lighten up on those collagen implants, hon.