Correspondence Quirk Lover Gifts

"Mail is running three to one against our Christmas newsletter."

"I love you, you big fool."

Why Cupid is not allowed to drink alcohol anymore...

"Wow! - String Theory must be true after all..!"

'I see an applicant being hired!'

Inuit post arriving by parachute.

'Oh Gloria, I love you with all my heart, part of my liver and most of my lower intestine.'

'I even love the way you snore!'

"Sometimes Ben does very dumb things. I love that in him."

"I'm gona level with you, Judith, I've spent some time in the pen."

Will Work for Food: By 'work' I mean do nothing. . . by 'food' I mean cash.

'Did you get through to the speaking clock, Dear?' 'Tick and tock and tick and tock and tick...'

"So, tell me what happened after this Schrodinger put you in this box..."

"I'll kill you if you crack your knuckles again."

'You're putting coffee grounds in the plants again, aren't you?'

'...and to you, he has left his leprosy.'

"Your being boring, stuffy and predictable is part of your charm."

'Cannibalism has always repulsed me - until i tasted Aunty Judy's knees'

"Instead of careful interpretation of the prose, maybe try pronouncing even the most basic words like an insane person?"

Miss Lonelyhearts Advice to the Lovelorn

"Ooh, this one sounds interesting, 'Single, vegetarian, bulbous, with moves like a lava lamp'."

"You must be a computer geek, because I've never had anyone ask me to accept their 'Terms of Use' before a date."

"This part of space feels especially weird right now."

The social isolation of the entomologist...

"Would you describe your gall as mitigated or unmitigated?"

"Don't stare at his massive claw. . . don't stare at his massive claw. . ."

'He's a nice guy, but those tectonic plates of his really weird me out.'

"Occasionally, the membrane between parallel universes ruptures."

Does this restaurant allow substitutions? Menu. If we did, do you think you'd be sitting here right now?

'What are you doing at the weekend?'

"Well of course it's unintelligible. I'm an English professor!"

The British Society of Campanology...

Wow, that's really a thing of beauty! Have you ever thought about being a uvula model?

Your shoulders are like silk. For some reason, when my skin crawls, it feels smooth.

'Of course you can stay the night-what d'you fancy-on top or underneath?'