Correspondence Quirk Lover Pillows

"Mail is running three to one against our Christmas newsletter."

"I love you, you big fool."

Why Cupid is not allowed to drink alcohol anymore...

"Wow! - String Theory must be true after all..!"

'I see an applicant being hired!'

Will Work for Food: By 'work' I mean do nothing. . . by 'food' I mean cash.

Inuit post arriving by parachute.

"I'll kill you if you crack your knuckles again."

'Did you get through to the speaking clock, Dear?' 'Tick and tock and tick and tock and tick...'

'I even love the way you snore!'

"I'm gona level with you, Judith, I've spent some time in the pen."

"So, tell me what happened after this Schrodinger put you in this box..."

'Oh Gloria, I love you with all my heart, part of my liver and most of my lower intestine.'

"Sometimes Ben does very dumb things. I love that in him."

'Cannibalism has always repulsed me - until i tasted Aunty Judy's knees'

'...and to you, he has left his leprosy.'

'You're putting coffee grounds in the plants again, aren't you?'

"Your being boring, stuffy and predictable is part of your charm."

"Would you describe your gall as mitigated or unmitigated?"

"Instead of careful interpretation of the prose, maybe try pronouncing even the most basic words like an insane person?"

Miss Lonelyhearts Advice to the Lovelorn

The social isolation of the entomologist...

"You must be a computer geek, because I've never had anyone ask me to accept their 'Terms of Use' before a date."

"Don't stare at his massive claw. . . don't stare at his massive claw. . ."

"Occasionally, the membrane between parallel universes ruptures."

"Well of course it's unintelligible. I'm an English professor!"

'He's a nice guy, but those tectonic plates of his really weird me out.'

'Of course you can stay the night-what d'you fancy-on top or underneath?'

'What are you doing at the weekend?'

The British Society of Campanology...

"It might be a traffic cone to you sir, but it happens to be my favourite."