Corporate Thespian Gifts

"B2B or not B2B? That is the question."

"In preparation for his appearance before the foundation board, Rodney fine-tunes his song and dance."

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

"To torture an insect or not to torture an insect, that is the question."

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

"Actually, she's just a figurehead boss. Our real CEO is an algorithm floating around somewhere in the cloud!"

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

Can't Do the Math/Won't Do the Math.

'It has come to my attention that we need to hedge against our five-year plan.'

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

"Obviously some people here don't appreciate the gravity of our situation."

Boss's Desk Says No!

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

"The trend in tough economic times is to put off everything that doesn't require immediate action ? as this chart shows."

Royal Mail boss to become ITV boss.

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."

"These are the principal qualities we're looking for in our new recruits."

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

"We're pleased to announce that your company has shrewdly traded a cow for some magic beans." some ma

Born In Captivity.

Another day at work would be one too many...

'Bad news, sir -- there's a leak in our think tank!'

BBC - Crisis Management, Damage Control and Liability Supervision.

"But don't let my wacky tie fool you. We actually take business very seriously around here."

'Being offshored isn't exactly what I expected.'

'The shareholders have voted you off the board. We don't feel you're tough enough. On the bright side, you've won this year's Miss Congeniality award.'

"Would anyone like to question my downsizing proposal?"

'Will you kindly remind the rest of the staff that I'm the managing director - not the Godfather!'

'Do you want to tell them their department is being downsized again, or should I?'

'So do you want me to minute that George is dying of boredom and Nigel will rip my head off if I don't stop boring him with my blather?'