Corporate Critique Artist Gifts

"He's been studying The Art of Bore."

"Looks like we found the issue."

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"This position has become very important to the company."

'That's our mission statement.'

'I'm glad you guys could work this out in a reasonable manner.'

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

Spot the difference.

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf

'I'm judging by your silence Al that you're giving me the green light on the Greenwich project. I just want to say that I admire your leadership. I guess that's why you've been running this company for 20 years.'

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

"We're looking for that perfect blend of vision, ambition and ethical ambiguity."

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

'No, it's not really good - that's our lawsuits-to-earnings ratio.'

Lethal Presentation

"Read our contracts, Ms Donahue. It says 'No Sexual Harassment on the workfloor!'"

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

"The new chairman has dropped the brain-storming meetings."

'We haven't improved quality, but we've made it easier to return.'

'The portrait is a mark of his extreme egotism, but, if you curtsy and bow sufficiently...say, 'Oh Yes Sir!'!, to everything he says, you should do OK'

"Leadership is all about knowing who to delegate responsibility for all your mistakes."

"I was hoping there'd be no meetings here."

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

Satya Nutella

"The announcement of the changes really went well."

'No matter how cynical I become, I can't keep up.'

'Miss Pym, we've made a smaller loss than last year, order me a much larger desk.'

'Our problem is how to lower quality while raising prices...'

"The company is very keen on diversity, could you reapply as a woman?"

'We've just become the biggest corporation in America.. let's celebrate today and begin downsizing tomorrow.'

"It's o.k., come on out."

'You earned this corner office by cutting corners...'