Corporate Takeover Strategist Gifts

Fortune cookies based on various business magazines.

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

'Now that I have your attention...'

"Can I savor this for a few moments? The ball's never been in my court before!"

The Businessmen Have to Make Decisions from Many Options

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

"This position has become very important to the company."

"So the plan is to fly everyone for free. But we'll charge $400.00 per bag."

"Miracles happen, gentlemen, but they don't come cheap."

"Here's what I'm gonna do."

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

A fight in the Boardroom.

'Manager. . . Commander. . . Chieftain. . . King!'

'There's good news and bad news, J. B. - we now control 51% of this corporation's stock!'

'It has come to my attention that we need to hedge against our five-year plan.'

"Boss, the AI is actually smarter than all of us! It read our business forecast, jumped up and ran out laughing!"

'Shhhh. Fido inherited seventy percent of this company.'

The Solar System (after deregulation)

"Gentlemen, we're missing a great opportunity by not hitching this company to the current tailspin."

Apart from your mother, who else thinks you're doing a good job as Chairman of the company?

"Well, it looks like the merger is off."

'We're finding out that those 'wrongs' we made 'right' were actually right after all.'

"We can waste time and look for a solution or...just find a scapegoat?"

'We should buy London and ship it to the States!'

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

"That's Paul, he's our head of partnerships..."

'I clawed my way to the top and then I clawed my way back to the middle.'

"We need a best practice swim lane to leverage our core competency, move the needle outside the box, and open the kimono while keeping our ducks in a row. Can anyone give me a sustainable solution to more vertical effectiveness without getting too granula

'The sunglasses idea would have worked if you hadn't started snoring.'

"Remember...when the going gets tough...DELEGATE!"

'If corporate lawyers are a dime a dozen, where are the other ten?'

"I suppose just climbing the greasy pole is no longer an option..."