Corporate Perks Gifts

"It's come to my attention that one of you hasn't taken advantage of the company's free gym membership."

While the firm doesn't offer company cars, we'd like you to have this photo of the car you would get if we did.

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

'The sunglasses idea would have worked if you hadn't started snoring.'

"I hate performance review season."

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

'I went to my boss and demanded the fruits of my labor. He gave me a Blackberry.'

'Loved your bit on market share, Felton - perfect blend of plausibility and outright deception.'

"We value your input, but all your suggestions involve more play-time, naps and treats."

'I'm a bit pressed for time. Give me your one-minute elevator pitch.'

'According to the budget, we'll have to count on body heat to keep the offices warm.'

'I'm not worried about losing my job. I'm worried about keeping it.'

'I've collected my memos into one reasonably priced gift book.'

Business cartoon about an incentive to complete the paperwork.

"Leave Lou to me. I'll eat him and then you can run the company."

Boss to employee: 'I'm downsizing your paycheck.'

"At least we're consistent ... "

'Give it to me straight, Mr. Erskine. Is there a downside to unmitigated greed?'

'Your job description is fairly simple: Stay in your cubicle and try not to make things worse.'

'We outsource our grape juice, marketing, bottling and distribution, and yet he's supposed to give a speech tonight on winemaking - bosses,outsources,outbetter show him what a grape looks like.'

"I'm sorry, but Fred isn't available. He's spending a few days in the penalty box for not being a good team player. May I help you?"

"I have a very demanding job. The boss is always demanding I work late."

"Having our team all work on the same page has been a lot more difficult since our company has gone paperless."

Distractions: Work Disputes

Big desks take time.

We pay the maximum minimum wage.

'The Rush Orders department is a shambles, Briggs, and I think you're just the man to turn it around,'

"When you promised me 'a set of wheels', I assumed a company car."

"Is that legal? Can the old man force me to take a performance-enhancing drug."

Labor Day '19

Sometimes I feel the company would collapse if we weren't here.

'Worst case of buzzword overdose I've ever seen!'

"You're entitled to ten sick days, five personal days and four complete do-overs."

'You're too big to fail and be fired, but too small to move up to the job you'd like'