Corporate Holiday Gifts

"That's since we did away with coffee breaks and issued time release coffee patches to all employees."

'Give it to me straight, Mr. Erskine. Is there a downside to unmitigated greed?'

Big Cheese

'If Carl made it on time, why can't you?'

"I wish I could give you a pay rise, a bonus, and an extra week of vacation, but..."

"Having our team all work on the same page has been a lot more difficult since our company has gone paperless."

"A noise? Oh, THAT. It wasn't anything, really. Just the final vestige of my sense of decency and fair play falling to the floor with a sickening thud. But thanks for asking, Tom."

"At least we're consistent ... "

"You get two coffee breaks. One in December and one in June."

"Looks like we found the issue."

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

'I'm sure that one wasn't there last week.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"This position has become very important to the company."

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

"'Quid pro quo' is a no-no, Bradbury. Around here we say 'reciprocal altruism'."

'The efficiency expert's recommendation is we drink more coffee!'

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

'I'm judging by your silence Al that you're giving me the green light on the Greenwich project. I just want to say that I admire your leadership. I guess that's why you've been running this company for 20 years.'

Build Your Own Portfolio

"The meeting will come to order."

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

'I've learned a lot about myself at these meetings...like, I can fall asleep with my eyes open!'

'Well the good news is that we've landed some huge contracts in China!'

"Ok, do we agree the minutes of the last meeting?"

'How can we solve this problem by eating?'

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

"That's Paul, he's our head of partnerships..."

Inclusive speech

'I'm sorry, but everyone is in a meeting.'

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

"We're a very small international conglomerate."