Corporate Family Day Gifts

'And after the parents Egg and Spoon will come the divorced couples sack race.'

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

"Staff support"

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

"Hold it right there, ma'am! If you get too close to the artwork, I'll have to ask you to leave the gallery."

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

"This software will cut my workload in half, so I purchased two."

"Actually, the district office is getting better results with a fresh garlic bagel."

'Pssst! Straighten up, here come the bigwigs.'

"They've hiked up our targets again...I'm going to have to put in some overtime to have any chance of meeting them!"

'Got to admit,as far as mission statements go, it's pretty damn bold.'

'I went to my boss and demanded the fruits of my labor. He gave me a Blackberry.'

'It's 930am ma'am - time to meet the Board of Detractors.'

"Imagine if only 1/2 the companies that claimed to have a great culture actually did."

'I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.'

'I think I'll take her to the zoo today.'

"Sarah has two mommies and both of them are good cooks."

"You're hired. Now, I'll show you your desk, the break room, and the dented wall you're allowed to beat your head against."

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

"I think it stopped breathing."

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

'Okay, okay, be patient!'

Businessman: 'We're like one big family here, because of all the nepotism.'

A child sitting on a swing - while playing with a hand-held electronic device or phone

"Motivational seminars are too expensive. Just buy stronger coffee."

Though Mr. Frackman had yet to say a word, Bill sensed he was about to receive a particularly lousy performance review.

'Sorry, I can't give you a raise. However, I can offer you a splendid opportunity to share the profits.'

"I go that extra mile!"

"I misjudged you Fenton. I thought you were a 'mover and shaker' but all the time you were just bobbing and weaving."

'It's a fake - but all the hanging around the water cooler is down 57%!'

"I like this Carl, you've come up with more solutions than we have problems."

'I tried that approach once, but my employees seized the carrots and attacked me with sticks.'

"You need to stop taking your work home with you. Take mine instead."