Corporate Training Day Gifts

'I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.'

Teamwork

'I'm sure that one wasn't there last week.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

"And need I remind you, the 'art of the deal' is the lifeblood of this company."

'Now that I have your attention...'

Businesswoman Empowerment

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

'I'm glad you guys could work this out in a reasonable manner.'

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

"'Quid pro quo' is a no-no, Bradbury. Around here we say 'reciprocal altruism'."

"Why can't the rest of you be more like Rollins, here? He does his homework!"

'Our parents were replaced by machines - We'll be replaced with new software.'

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

'The efficiency expert's recommendation is we drink more coffee!'

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

"I guess it's ethical. Let me run it through my 'Ethics Check' app."

"I believe we've found the weakest link."

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

"Obviously some people here don't appreciate the gravity of our situation."

'No, your guess isn't as good as mine.'

"Don't forget to leave me a wakeup call so I can get the worm!"

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"I don't care if you are the Immediate Gratification Generation. Get out of my chair and back to the mailroom."