Office Holiday Gifts

"We have ways of making you small-talk."

'You are lucky, I've already refused to see five salesmen this morning.'

'I can live with you not wanting to push the envelope, but your refusal to think outside the box...'

"They're slowly adapting to the open-office concept."

Bad accountants

'I make sure he pulls my weight around here.'

'I'm afraid you've got the wrong department.'

'I'm sure you all agree that this has been a very constructive meeting.'

'Maybe you shouldn't eat by your keyboard.'

'I think we should consider hiring a consultant to share the blame.'

In and Out

"Ask me something easy - like the meaning of life - over explaining government regulations."

Stress and Relief Desk Organizers.

"That's Sullivan. He's always kissing the boss's behind."

'The only side I take in an argument here is this side of the door.'

"I've cut out the mornng coffee. To many urges to mark my territory right in the middle of big meetings."

"Chewing gum at a business meeting, Clara? I trust you brought enough to share."

"We're cutting costs by recycling his hot air."

Organizational charts and blame charts.

'Tell your boss we represent an independent watchdog committee.'

"It's my in-tray!"

'I'm from the creative department, I don't actually do anything.'

"He's on screen saver. Just tap him."

"There's something fishy about the water cooler!"

In/Out Tray.

'I'll be in a meeting all morning. Please see to it that no-one wakes me.'

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

"I know we're just work acquaintances, but I think your skin should smell like watermelon and your home should smell like chai-peach crème brûlée."

"He's very good with deadlines."

He loves to confuse his yes-men by asking them if they think he's wrong.

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

"It's almost 5 o'clock! Where the hell is my vodka app?!"

At the Museum

A Good Batch.