Office Perks Gifts

'I don't understand how the Americans are getting away with all these lateral hires.'

"It's almost 5 o'clock! Where the hell is my vodka app?!"

That shows business confidence.

What's wrong with the computer you've got?"

"We've decided your suggestion to have a day care center here at work has merit."

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

"He's on screen saver. Just tap him."

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

Office Dunce.

'Tell your boss we represent an independent watchdog committee.'

'It's not fair. Women doing the same job I'm doing in this office are being paid more than I am!'

The Pencil and Sharpener

"I'm sending you to Siberia. Your job is remaining here."

'I'm from the creative department, I don't actually do anything.'

"They grow up so fast."

Attitudes are contagious. Is yours worth catching?

'Many Happy Redundan... HA! RETURNS of the day, Mackay.'

'I can live with you not wanting to push the envelope, but your refusal to think outside the box...'

'... and finally, to my business partner I leave my corporate parking space.'

"Apart from that, Bob, what else did you learn on the team-building paintball weekend?"

'I'm playing 18 floors.'

Office worker chips a golf ball into in tray on a desk at work.

"When you promised me 'a set of wheels', I assumed a company car."

Labor Day '19

'I'm sure you all agree that this has been a very constructive meeting.'

"You're entitled to ten sick days, five personal days and four complete do-overs."

Piranhas' Mounted Trophies

"It's called a treadmill workstation, not a stationary rat race."

After the latest pay bonus and benefit awards you've won, I've decided to join you on the shop floor.

Frustrated at the office.

'Call me a cockeyed optimist but I still believe big executive bonuses and perks can buy happiness.'

'Where's your costume and team spirit? You're not paid to enjoy yourself - you should enjoy your work!'

"No, you didn't hear the soft rustle of a sandwich wrapper!"

"You'll be allowed to work from home two days a week... Saturday and Sunday."

Office Safety.