Corporate Efficiency Gifts

Cut directors pay in half and stop all share options - "Right, now, tell me about Plan 'B'."

"Ok, we've emptied the Suggestion Box, and glued them all to the wall. Should we actually read them?"

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"Looks like we found the issue."

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

Whats ticking away in YOUR filing system?

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

'I've decided to centralize my operations. Everything will be in my ipad.'

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

'Office' block tightening it's belt

"This software will cut my workload in half, so I purchased two."

'What happened to that efficiency report? I had it in my hand not two minutes ago.'

Trays on desk read, 'Here', 'There' and, 'Neither here nor there.'

Time Is Money

'Please put that confusing mess of documents, files and folders where it belongs...in your computer.'

'Everyone in the company wears one, Yomp! It's what keeps us focused!'

"Drunk, yet orderly"

Inout baskets.

"Listen to this: 'Technology reduces the time we spend on a given task, but increases the number of tasks we're expected to do.' Sounds like a no-win situation to me!"

"It's a new target to target a time to reduce targets so that we'll be less target driven!"

"This works, so why do we need to spend all that energy building a nest?"

Motivation to work

"And with the optional remote you make all these little lights go off and on really quickly." You can have an IT system with all the latest bells and whistles...or you could have one that WORKS

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

Please bring me a few sharpened pencils and some lucrative business.

Desk Boxes: 'In', 'Out', 'Could Go Either Way'.

'The massive arrests have made the plans for downsizing much easier.'

Fact: The average person spends 4.3 hours per week looking for things that are misplaced, misfiled or mislabeled.

"I'm so efficient I can screw up two assignments in the time it takes most people to screw up just one."

'ACE Heating and cooling' 'What's Hot' 'What Not'

Cat shoes: For those who are too busy to do their own walking.

"Remember, if I can't introduce you it's because I can't remember their name - so that's when you step in and introudce yourself so we can get them to say it, okay?" - Company Party Prep.

'We've cut and pasted your list into 84 arbitrary sub-lists. Well, our work here is done.'

Department of efficiency and cost analysis.