Corporate Critical Thinker Gifts

The easiest way to get raises and bonuses is to cut employee pay!'

"Looks like we found the issue."

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"This position has become very important to the company."

Opportunities in Coronatimes

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'That's our mission statement.'

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

'I'm glad you guys could work this out in a reasonable manner.'

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

Fear/Knowledge

Spot the difference.

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

"Technology isn't making me smarter. It's allowing me to be dumb, faster."

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

"Do you honestly believe we evolved from a single snow flake?"

'I'm judging by your silence Al that you're giving me the green light on the Greenwich project. I just want to say that I admire your leadership. I guess that's why you've been running this company for 20 years.'

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

'How can we believe anything when we can disprove everything?'

"We're looking for that perfect blend of vision, ambition and ethical ambiguity."

Vote Centrist to Keep Things Exactly as Awful as They Are

'No, it's not really good - that's our lawsuits-to-earnings ratio.'

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

Lethal Presentation

"Read our contracts, Ms Donahue. It says 'No Sexual Harassment on the workfloor!'"

'We haven't improved quality, but we've made it easier to return.'

"The new chairman has dropped the brain-storming meetings."

Satya Nutella

"Hoskins, try saying 'profits are up' without the finger quotes, okay?"