Corporate Contrarian Gifts

'I'm part of the decision-making process... I'm the 'No' part.'

"I work for a defense company designing monstrous ways to kill people, but one afternoon a year, I volunteer at a soup kitchen to balance the scales."

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

The Solar System (after deregulation)

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

Protest

"If CEO pay packets aren't a problem, why doesn't everyone get one?"

"Sure, money may be imaginary - but at least it's got everybody imagining it."

'We raised the price, so at least as far as we're concerned it's new and improved.'

"They're healthy? All this time, Mom said carrots and raisins were nature's candy!"

"Ever notice how grateful people are when you present them with facts contrary to their beliefs?"

The Contrarian funds

"Dont believe anything those guys have told you. None of it. It's all B.S."

'The fourth quarter was no walk in the park. Especially for those who count on us to walk in the park.'

'Harrison, going against your better judgement has made us a lot of money...'

"Guess what, Collins? Not my job to remember what I said yesterday."

"Wow, these are great cartoons! We have to let them go, and anyway, cartoonists are on the endangered species list..."

I Want to be a Drone President

'Good - we're finally all on the same rampage.'

60 minutes I.Q. test - pick the counterfeit.

'An ebook! What are you reading?' 'Against technology: From the Luddites to neo-Luddism.'

'Today the house voted for a timeline, the sentate voted for benchmarks, and Halliburton voted for staying the course.'

"Do you want to ruin me?! Take it away!!"

"It doesn't matter if the glass is half empty or half full if you have a case."

'If there's one thing I've learnt being a manager,it's taking credit where it isn't due!'

"I just completely disagree with what you just said about America lacking focus."

Hey boss, that generic soap you gave me isn't really cleaning the cups. Mind if I go get some brand name stuff? Are you insane? There's zero difference between generic and brand name products. Corporate America just cons people into thinking "you get what you pay for." Don't be a stooge, Rudy. Don't fall for it. Now get in there and scrub those cups, minion! Strike a blow for the little guy against corporate lies! Wait ... I'm very confused. Are you a right-winger or a left-winger? You mean in w

Burning the Other

Corporate person hood!

With-it Woman

'He's always looking for an argument!'

"What if my bliss happens to be suing people?"

We should promote many of our staff to management positions...

Our Mission: "Who are we trying to kid? It's just one day at a time around here!"