Corporate Contrarian Gifts

'I'm part of the decision-making process... I'm the 'No' part.'

"I work for a defense company designing monstrous ways to kill people, but one afternoon a year, I volunteer at a soup kitchen to balance the scales."

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

The Solar System (after deregulation)

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

Protest

"If CEO pay packets aren't a problem, why doesn't everyone get one?"

"Sure, money may be imaginary - but at least it's got everybody imagining it."

'We raised the price, so at least as far as we're concerned it's new and improved.'

"They're healthy? All this time, Mom said carrots and raisins were nature's candy!"

"Ever notice how grateful people are when you present them with facts contrary to their beliefs?"

The Contrarian funds

'The fourth quarter was no walk in the park. Especially for those who count on us to walk in the park.'

"Dont believe anything those guys have told you. None of it. It's all B.S."

'Harrison, going against your better judgement has made us a lot of money...'

"Wow, these are great cartoons! We have to let them go, and anyway, cartoonists are on the endangered species list..."

"Guess what, Collins? Not my job to remember what I said yesterday."

'Good - we're finally all on the same rampage.'

60 minutes I.Q. test - pick the counterfeit.

'An ebook! What are you reading?' 'Against technology: From the Luddites to neo-Luddism.'

"Do you want to ruin me?! Take it away!!"

'Today the house voted for a timeline, the sentate voted for benchmarks, and Halliburton voted for staying the course.'

"It doesn't matter if the glass is half empty or half full if you have a case."

'He's always looking for an argument!'

With-it Woman

'If there's one thing I've learnt being a manager,it's taking credit where it isn't due!'

Corporate person hood!

"I just completely disagree with what you just said about America lacking focus."

"What if my bliss happens to be suing people?"

We should promote many of our staff to management positions...

Our Mission: "Who are we trying to kid? It's just one day at a time around here!"

"It's really a lateral transfer, Crampton, From 'Nobody' to 'Flunkie'."

Profit can be a silly thing, but your boss thinks it is everything.