Corny Jokes Fan Gifts

"My ears just popped."

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

Molecules You Ought to be Aware of.

Odd Angles,a monthly strip on coarse angling.

"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

'-and you're living proof that ALL men are not born equal, runt!'

Introducing...Anagraman.

Mystery Solved - Boxers or Briefs, 'Thanks but you could have just told me.'

'Check out the old dude.'

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

"Sorry, dear... I don't have a pumpkin spiced flat white chai latte. I just have this one..."

'It's the same everywhere: body over brains.'

"Got any bathtub gin?"

Winter Weather.

"Leon, honey, you break all the rules of dramaturgy."

'Too many people in our state are overweight, Senator. They want fat-free pork.'

The Pencil and Sharpener

'You gonna finish that lemon peel?'

"What? Don't yuck my yum!"

'Next Please...' (Joe's Sharpening Service).

'F-E-E-D-T-H-E-D-O-G . . . Hey that's spooky! Why would your granddad say that?'

"POOPIN'! It's the Butt Signal!"

"I can't come in today, I'm feeling like myself."

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

Hot cross buns

"It all started when I read somewhere that happiness is an inside job. Naturally, I assumed some breaking and entering was involved."

"What if the cat stuck in the tree has a gun? Is that an emergency?"

'Careful, Mugsy, he's got a tool.'

Mouse with a cat cake.

An Extraordinary Pointer