Corny Jokes Fan Prints

"My ears just popped."

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

"I'm not here to slay you. I'm here to talk to you about diversifying your investment portfolio."

Molecules You Ought to be Aware of.

Odd Angles,a monthly strip on coarse angling.

"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

Introducing...Anagraman.

Goat about goat: 'He's no longer gruff since he's been on Prozac.'

'-and you're living proof that ALL men are not born equal, runt!'

Mystery Solved - Boxers or Briefs, 'Thanks but you could have just told me.'

"If you think you made a stink pulling the fruit, try pulling His finger."

'It's the same everywhere: body over brains.'

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

Next year, we are NOT going to Costco.

"Sorry, dear... I don't have a pumpkin spiced flat white chai latte. I just have this one..."

'Check out the old dude.'

"Got any bathtub gin?"

Winter Weather.

'You gonna finish that lemon peel?'

"What? Don't yuck my yum!"

"Leon, honey, you break all the rules of dramaturgy."

'F-E-E-D-T-H-E-D-O-G . . . Hey that's spooky! Why would your granddad say that?'

"I can't come in today, I'm feeling like myself."

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

The Pencil and Sharpener

'Too many people in our state are overweight, Senator. They want fat-free pork.'

'Next Please...' (Joe's Sharpening Service).

"POOPIN'! It's the Butt Signal!"

Hot cross buns

"It all started when I read somewhere that happiness is an inside job. Naturally, I assumed some breaking and entering was involved."

"What if the cat stuck in the tree has a gun? Is that an emergency?"

Crash Test Dummy Blues

'Careful, Mugsy, he's got a tool.'

"See what you get for thinking outside the fishbowl!"