Cookout Gifts

When Grammarians Grill: 'Well done, well-done, or, well, done?'

'Fred, everybody is here!'

"Honey - get the smoke can. The guests are starting to swarm all over the bee hives again."

Not only were the bears coming out of hibernation but they went ahead and invited themselves to dinner.

'Oh, and I suppose I'm the only one who's ever heard it's a 'dog eat dog world'?'

'Marcie has her own way of cooking ribs low and slow--she takes them with her to the tanning salon.'

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

"Uh oh, is that a spit roaster the farmer is putting together?"

Frank moonlights as a Grill Sergeant.

"You're turn to grill tonight Adam, you make the best ribs."

'Just how big of a tailgate party are you expecting to have?'

"Everything tastes better when it's cooked on the grill."

"I've just barbecued my head again."

"Bungle the flip! Bungle the flip!"

"Any of you guys feel like hot dogs?"

"Five hamburgers with buns, three hamburgers without buns and two buns, without hamburgers."

"Isn't it great to get out of the kitchen and cook in the fresh air!"

Aprons

"He won't stop and ask for directions when he COOKS, either."

6,000 BC: Neolithic Barbecue

"Okay - who wants theirs well done?"

Moses uses the burning bush to roast a kosher frank

"Dad's barbeucuing again so Mom's got the pizza place on speed dial."

"This chicken wasn't cooked - it committed suttee!"

'Dear, you can't blame this on global warming...you overcooked the fish.'

"Come and get it!"

"What about the five that fell through?"

'Has anybody seen the flyswatter?'

"I use old Duke to check my steaks. If it feels like Duke's tongue, it's rare, if it feels like his ear, it's medium. . ."

"My secret is having a ton of money to buy the best ingredients."

'If I don't use the charcoal grill, I get a carbon offset and the fire department gets a day off.'

The first law of barbecuing. Your tongs will never be long enough.

"At first I was concerned about the Earth opening up. But I was going to build a fire pit, so it actually saved me a lot of time."

"How would you like your soy protein, mixed tocopherols and methylcellulose patty?"

"Damn! Someone just asked for chicken drumsticks."