Cooking Show Junkie Gifts

"And the best part of grinding their bones to make your bread - totally gluten free!"

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

"I always thought I'd be good at getting drunk and crying on camera for Bravo."

Dancing with the Star Wars

'The following programme contains scones of a sexual nature.'

"Despite thoroughly scraping the celebrity barrel, that Orwellian nightmare Celebrity Big Brother is back on our screens again."

'I just love this new reality show, TRADING BANK ACCOUNTS!'

"Consider this job a reality show where you work your butt off 14 hours a day. If you win, you'll get a paycheck and the chance to do it all over again next week."

Lawn Order. It's a landscaping show about maintaining a tidy yard.

"Then add one extra large egg..."

nstead of looking at fish bowl, a kid watches the fish on TV as they are being video taped.

Junior Masterchef - "Darren Smith and I'll be cooking chicken nuggets with Mars bars in a CocaCola sauce"

"Why not stay with your mother and me? The Feds will never find you here."

'Maybe getting gordon ramsay to do the after dinner speech wasn't such a good idea after all!'

"What's the best way to break up a marriage?"

'Oh No! Reality theatre.'

Love Bites: The Dating Game - "No, he loves me more!"

How's my Jiving?

'I'm going to ask you one more time; who left a hot mug on this table?'

"It looks like a pitch for a survival-themed reality show."

Woke Jersey Shore

'... and in a startling development, 5 Supreme Court decisions were overturned by Judge Judy...'

"Look at the size of this gas bill - you'll have to get rid of some of those celebrity chefs!!"

'I agree that the publicity would be good for your blog, but how are you going to get a Kardashian to date you?'

Our Summer Without Dave

"We love watching you. Your planet is our favorite reality show."

'By the time I'd watched Delia and Ainsley and Jamie Oliver and Floyd...I'd spoiled the broth.'

"When did they add this channel?!"

Sugar free farm

Violence on TV.

"Today we're going to talk about brainless reality TV."

"And now Survivor Six...walking through your kid's room barefoot in the dark..."

The Ox Factor

Mary Berry

Aliens would have destroyed us years ago if it weren't for our entertainment value.