Preparation Junkie Gifts

"We have no funding for disasters that have not yet happened..."

'You've hit the fitness plateau.'

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

'Now that's what I call a kebab... a skewer with whole pies!'

Homo Gamus

Fast Food Menu Selections

"I don't need a lecture Dad, I know all I need to know from the online tutorials of @DamKing61, @HotDam72 and @DamEasy27. . ."

'Kudos to Bill for the cotton candy machine idea!'

Nutrition-Free Diet

'They're showing 'Jaws' on TV tonight: The beaches should be quiet for a few days after that!'

"But but ... if we remove all the additives there'll be nothing left!"

The proper term for our special promotion is Triple Cheeseburger with a Gazillion fries...not the triple bypass special!

'You're not retaining water. You're retaining cookies and ice cream and pizza...'

'Bacon-butties are my favourite!'

"It's a combination of pizza and sushi and taco and egg roll and...it's just something everyone loves."

'You'll love this, it has no nutritional value.'

Exit. My problem is restaurants have drive-throughs, and fitness centers don't.

"So that's a triple burger with added cheese and relish... Would you like the complementary angioplasty with that?"

'My hubby is getting better at D.I.Y. . . . Oh yes, he now spends more on screws than plasters.'

"It's time to get the couch gutters cleaned again."

'We can't keep living in the fast-food lane.'

End of summer fantasy vs. end of summer reality.

'At least he's honest.'

'George always was a hog for fast food.'

'He left it to me. Isn't a double Salmanazar of '55 Chateau Cheval Blanc the perfect match with the side garden salad?'

'I overheard the farmer say I have a future at McDonalds.'

"Eating junk food may make you feel young at heart, but it isn't making your heart feel young."

"Gimme a double burger between two burgers. And hold the lettuce; it only dilutes the experience."

"He likes spending time with his grandpa. Thanks to poor diet and little exercise, they share many of the same health issues."

Pizza-Matic

Warning: Eating This Food Could Result in a Decrease of Health Benefits

Woman with exercise bike

Dad's Dinner: The Best in Frozen Foods.

Couch potato.

"Here, son, don't forget your glass of fizzy."