Cooking Comedy Fan Pillows

'Would you mind moving your feet about, I don't want the vegetables to catch?'

"Say hello to my little friend!"

'We just invented cooking yesterday, and already she's serving leftovers!'

Operating table.

'I hate it when they order scrambled eggs.' (chef shaking chicken).

"Well, I just assumed you wanted your toast like your coffee."

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

"....Oh, and the dog's eaten all the fridge magnets."

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

"Great job of acting! You really appeared excited about Aunt May's 'famous' green bean casserole."

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

Cook and her Maids

"I pray that he will enjoy my pie..." "The smell's enough to make me cry!"

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

'Anybody for breakfast?'

Linda discovers she had just baked the wrong ziti

Restaurant menu board: 'Day old - 2 day old - 3 day old'

"It'll never be ready in time."

...If sauce has not begun to thicken after 10 minutes, pour contents back into can and wait for your wife to get home.

"Monsieur has just ordered a vasectomy..."

"Holy smoke. What kind of frosting is that?"

Now we know --- It's good for making toast, not good for heating up meatloaf!

"That's two tossed salads, one egg drop soup, and one pulled pork."

"Look at the size of this gas bill - you'll have to get rid of some of those celebrity chefs!!"

'Well, fancy meeting you here.'

'It was embarrassing. I always swore I'd die of her cooking.'

'No more beans this week, I think, Matilda.'

"Hmmm, I'm not sure – I’ll ask our chef when he sobers up."

Road Kill Cafe.

'By the time I'd watched Delia and Ainsley and Jamie Oliver and Floyd...I'd spoiled the broth.'

"Apologies for the delay. Your eggs Benedict should be up soon."

"I've burnt the roast...Turn down the restaurant lighting a touch!"