Conversation Sparkler Pillows

"I used to be in advertising. Remember 'Buy this, you morons'? That was mine."

"Ironically, this is the living room."

"You're very interesting, for a civilian."

"Where else in the world would you get such wonderful sunsets?"

"Let's just say I have a pre-existing condition."

'I can't force jocose if I'm not feeling it.'

"So, you say I'll be doubling the numbers of animals I kill?"

"You're such a good listener."

Freedom comes at a cost. We must be willing to pay the ultimate price. Retail.

"Anna - there's someone I'd like to meet."

"You know how it is, one minute I'm selling insurance in South Dakota and the next minute I have a hook for a hand. How about you?"

What nationality were your parents? North or south Poles?

"This has nothing to do with you ... this is between us and the tree."

'I like you, you remind me of someone.'

"He's sworn never to say Boudicca, ShrOwsbury, whoM, or narrative."

"Global warming is a great icebreaker."

"Idea?" "No. Just a light bulb."

'Half-baked beans, low fat variety' "Who says we have no taste?"

'What sort of wines do you like?' ... 'Powerful ones!'

"Gals, you know I hate being the center of attention, so for the next 45 minutes I am going to monologue about all the minute details of my wedding planning."

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

"Remember how I've always had a hard time asking for help?"

"Not to brag or anything, but I'm the elephant in the room at my company."

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

When did you first feel like a male trapped in a female body? When I was a foetus.

"Truth is relative at these reunions. It depends on which relative you talk to."

"I want to be a more interesting person. Think maybe watching old black and white movies would do it?"

'Fancy us all being afraid of wasps when there's a WHOLE nest of 'em in my drinks cabinet!'

"How to talk to people" "Make them rue the day"

"Pssst! I had some CGI done."

"He gets easily abstracted."

“I may not know much about books, but I do know which titles burn best.”

“Hey Everyone! It’s the first day of Fall! Okay, you go first!”

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

"Remember, if I can't introduce you it's because I can't remember their name - so that's when you step in and introudce yourself so we can get them to say it, okay?" - Company Party Prep.