Conversation Sparkler T-Shirts

"I used to be in advertising. Remember 'Buy this, you morons'? That was mine."

"Ironically, this is the living room."

"Where else in the world would you get such wonderful sunsets?"

"You're very interesting, for a civilian."

"Let's just say I have a pre-existing condition."

'I can't force jocose if I'm not feeling it.'

"You're such a good listener."

"So, you say I'll be doubling the numbers of animals I kill?"

Freedom comes at a cost. We must be willing to pay the ultimate price. Retail.

"This has nothing to do with you ... this is between us and the tree."

What nationality were your parents? North or south Poles?

"You know how it is, one minute I'm selling insurance in South Dakota and the next minute I have a hook for a hand. How about you?"

"Anna - there's someone I'd like to meet."

'I like you, you remind me of someone.'

"He's sworn never to say Boudicca, ShrOwsbury, whoM, or narrative."

"Not to brag or anything, but I'm the elephant in the room at my company."

'Half-baked beans, low fat variety' "Who says we have no taste?"

"Idea?" "No. Just a light bulb."

"Remember how I've always had a hard time asking for help?"

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

"Gals, you know I hate being the center of attention, so for the next 45 minutes I am going to monologue about all the minute details of my wedding planning."

"Global warming is a great icebreaker."

"I need him to stop think and start listening."

'What sort of wines do you like?' ... 'Powerful ones!'

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

When did you first feel like a male trapped in a female body? When I was a foetus.

"Truth is relative at these reunions. It depends on which relative you talk to."

"How to talk to people" "Make them rue the day"

"He gets easily abstracted."

“Hey Everyone! It’s the first day of Fall! Okay, you go first!”

"Pssst! I had some CGI done."

"I want to be a more interesting person. Think maybe watching old black and white movies would do it?"

'Fancy us all being afraid of wasps when there's a WHOLE nest of 'em in my drinks cabinet!'

“I may not know much about books, but I do know which titles burn best.”

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"