Conversation Expert Pillows

"Okaaay, so 'maybe' I don't 'understand' how air quotes 'work.'"

"Chit-chat ground rules: no complaining, yes or no if possible, no jokes over 20 seconds."

'I'll talk louder...' (speech bubble smothering other people in the cartoon).

'Andy, you can be honest with me. Do you think I'd make a good manager?' - 'Why couldn't she just ask me if I like her hairstyle.'

Lou's Barber Shop Discussions

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

"Could I ask just one question?"

Very Difficult Conversations

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

Changing Minds

"How to talk to people" "Make them rue the day"

"Who knew we had so many dislikes in common?"

"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."

Talk shows are great. Listen shows are even better.

" I'm sorry. I was so busy listening to myself talk that I forgot what I was saying."

"Isn't us talking about how I would never take a ballroom dancing class an activity we're doing together?"

'May I suggest a pleasant viognier to put the subtext into gear?'

The bluebird of passive-aggressiveness

"I should warn you that many of John's thoughts are subliminal."

"There! Now we're getting somewhere."

"Liife! Give my conversation Liife!"

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

"I'm bilingual. I can talk to parents and step parents."

"I'm just so relieved! I thought you didn't love me anymore, but now I realize I was just projecting!!"

Like.

"Remember, I want to hear fifteen solid minutes of small talk before you ask for the Wi-Fi password."

Attention Span Man

Big Talk/Small Talk.

'I leave a few spaces so you can get a few words in edgeways.'

'What do you mean I've wolfed that down? You've never stopped nattering!'

"This is Jim's second speech on how not to make people mad by talking on your phone. I missed his first speech."

"I used to waste a lot of time explaining myself to family, friends and shrinks. Now I only explain myself to Rick."

'I wouldn't worry too much about his communication skills....grunting is perfectly normal at his age!'

"Ya know, boys and girls studying alone like this is strictly forbidden in Iran."