Conversation Expert T-Shirts

"Okaaay, so 'maybe' I don't 'understand' how air quotes 'work.'"

"Chit-chat ground rules: no complaining, yes or no if possible, no jokes over 20 seconds."

'I'll talk louder...' (speech bubble smothering other people in the cartoon).

'Andy, you can be honest with me. Do you think I'd make a good manager?' - 'Why couldn't she just ask me if I like her hairstyle.'

Lou's Barber Shop Discussions

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

Very Difficult Conversations

"Could I ask just one question?"

Changing Minds

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."

"How to talk to people" "Make them rue the day"

"Who knew we had so many dislikes in common?"

Talk shows are great. Listen shows are even better.

" I'm sorry. I was so busy listening to myself talk that I forgot what I was saying."

"Isn't us talking about how I would never take a ballroom dancing class an activity we're doing together?"

'May I suggest a pleasant viognier to put the subtext into gear?'

"Liife! Give my conversation Liife!"

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

"I'm bilingual. I can talk to parents and step parents."

"There! Now we're getting somewhere."

The bluebird of passive-aggressiveness

"We do have on item the internet hasn't already beaten into the ground, ad nauseam."

"I should warn you that many of John's thoughts are subliminal."

"Remember, I want to hear fifteen solid minutes of small talk before you ask for the Wi-Fi password."

Like.

"I'm just so relieved! I thought you didn't love me anymore, but now I realize I was just projecting!!"

'Have your people facebook my people.'

Attention Span Man

'I leave a few spaces so you can get a few words in edgeways.'

Big Talk/Small Talk.

'I wouldn't worry too much about his communication skills....grunting is perfectly normal at his age!'

"I used to waste a lot of time explaining myself to family, friends and shrinks. Now I only explain myself to Rick."

'What do you mean I've wolfed that down? You've never stopped nattering!'