Convention Humorist Pillows

Welcome: Psychics Convention.

'Thank you for that kind introduction, Ed, but frankly, I would've liked a little further ado.'

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

"Why won't you cuddle?"

Lawyer's secretary has in boxes labeled: Before the Fact and After the Fact.

Nun Binning the Devil

"Dave here, is a lawyer. But don't be too impressed, he only specialises in petty crime."

"Am I going to get my just desserts?"

'But your honor, imitation is the sincerest form of copyright infringement.'

'The highest court in the land.'

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

Champagne at the hunt

The hour of justice

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."

'For your penance, download five 'Hail marys' and ten 'Our fathers'.'

A Court Reporter's Pocket Knife

"And here's good news for the defense. I am disqualifying myself on the grounds of blatant prejudice."

'I bet this is going to be another round of criminal bashing, isn't it?'

'Tell the truth: does this affidavit make me look fat?'

Counsel examining witness

"...and we hope that, for a cyber-crime, you will consider a cyber-penalty."

'... And I'd like to thank my agent and everyone who voted for me... '

'I hope you don't mind. To save time and money, we've sworn in the firing squad as the jury.'

"Sinead?!"

"Stomp your foot once for 'yes' and twice for 'no'."

'Oh great, a machine with an attitude.'

"My client will not answer that question as it presupposes his sanity."

The court freezes my assets and wants me to live on $20K per month? They want me to starve!

"I thought I'd try a Marie Antoinette for a change."

"Guilty of a sense of humor in a tight-ass world."

A Scotsman in a court wearing sports gear is hardly news.

''The buck stops here'? What a coincidence, your honor. My nickname is 'the Buck'.'

"I sentence you 500 hours of community service - You can start by mopping this floor."

'I committed the sin of pride. I've been gloating over how our church baseball team waxed yours.'