Contrarian Bookworm Gifts

How to profit by not buying books.

'With 73 dog obedience books read between us, I think we must consider defeat.'

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

hard-boiled egg...

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

"Max! Oh, my God! There's like a billion moving ideas in there!"

Censors 'no' a good thing when they see it.

'It must be a problem of interpretation. I've read this book DOZENS of times, and I keep winding up here!'

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

The Da Vinci Cod

K9 Literati

Bug reading book has antennae that are lights.

"Don't be a sentimental fool, Harker!"

Trivia/Great Literature.

"At least she's reading."

"This is the way I like it - I pretend to be asleep and he doesn't bother me."

'Are you writing my symptoms, or is that your autobiography?'

A man reading 'Beach Chairs for Dummies'

Who says religion can't have a sense of humour.

'An ebook! What are you reading?' 'Against technology: From the Luddites to neo-Luddism.'

Library: The Weight lifting Section.

"So, you're telling me that you can't return, 'How to be a secret agent' because the final chapter instructed you to eat it after reading?"

The book is so much better than the film..

"Convicts selling novels from prison? At least that could never happen here, eh Jones?"

A man uses a reaching tool to keep a book far enough out for him to read it.

"I just remembered where I left my chew toy."

A dead plant in the environment section.

Pastoring for Dummies

"Do you have any bedtime stories that aren't about the former Yugoslavia?"

The Colonel at home.

Book signing The Art Of Forgery - "Gee thanks, Oprah Winfrey."

"No, no, that's my copy of 'Being and Time'—look at the teeth marks along 'Heidegger'."