Contraption Connoisseur Gifts

"The door-to-door sales rep was very persuasive, but in my defense he only sold me one."

Bagging the Chipmunk

Anti-Litter Machine

How to Avoid Tears when Peeling Onions

For the War Inventions Board. The Armoured Bayonet-curler for the Spoiling the Temper of the Enemy's Steel

"The university said he was a climate change denier so remove the statue."

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

Instructional guide to scribbling

Schubert's Unfinished Basement

"We're having one heck of a time building that trapezoidal thing of yours..."

"I hoped you'd change your hobby when you became a father"

Six-tier Communal Cradle.

Origami horse leaping out of a book about origami

"1. Flimsig used pallets, old foam 2. Stinkum goat wool 3. Beetup recycled lumber 4. Riskig kerosene lamp 5. Stupor hand blown by Nils 6. Smokum found on beach in Mendocino 7. Woblig 100% driftwood"

Once again overbudget and past dealine, the predatory boa constractor adroitly squeezes the life from its victim's wallet.

Whittler's Mother.

Dave cut costs and now realizes that in order to pass inspection, he may have to arrange a marriage between his daughter and the building inspector's son.

Posh Easter Egg

'I think this is deep enough for the foundations!'

Crane fishing

"You know damn well what noise!"

Multi-Species Employment Agency. Did you hire the octopus for that job opening? Yeah, but I did interview other applicants. The frog was a strong candidate ... I'm flexible on location -- I'm an amphibian! The whale seemed to be hiding something. The gap in my resume? Uh ... I was beached for a while. And the pig wasn't smart. I see "USDA Approved" on your resume --- I don't think you understand what that means. The octopus got the job because he was a great multitasker!

Man-made vs dog-made

Daniel Day Lewis & George Glasgow

Clam Spearing

About the potter.

"No, we're looking for a roofer, not a woofer."

'It's a good building contract legally, but your jargon's weak.'

'The spheres keep rolling away, Your Majesty -- how about we just build a pyramid?'

'Sander's a bit high isn't it?'

Air Dentistry

Petty Aero Larceny - I Stealing a Dinner.

"Thank you, gentlemen, and may the best networked man win."

'After sinking all our money into our website, we couldn't afford to finish our building.'

'Look dear - the first skip of spring...'