Contradictory Rule Appreciators Pillows

'Mom's weird -- she lets us play in the mud, but she won't let us watch dirty movies.'

"To be honest, I don't believe in ghosts."

"Think outside the box but never forget who owns the box."

"I hate it when we fight."

"Now that's what I'M talkin' 'bout!"

"I've never read such utter nonsense! There's a guy here reckons we're all living in some kind of computer simulation!"

"Big n' tall" "Small n' long"

"I speak Latin, you know."

Pessimists v Optimists.

"Back in my day, kids had a little respect for the law of gravity."

Big business is not evil

"Apparently, if you understand it, you don’t understand it."

"No aliens"

'Oops! Looks like I've broken every rule in the book.'

"I found another great book about living with less stuff."

"I appreciate how you've protected my privacy, Doc. I'm gonna tell everybody about it on my medical rating website!"

Starving Artist Show has paintings of food.

"If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it — who cares?!"

'I get a lot of job offers..'

Modern Football

Greeting Card Shop: No Rhyme or Reason Cards.

'I'm sure looking forward to relaxing when we get to the summit.'

Ego Publishing: 'I'm sorry, but 'Slither A Mile In My Shoes' doesn't make any sense...'

'How To Say No To Sales People'.

You charged me for for two visits? Yes you came back for your umbrella.

Secateurs and non-secateurs

Godot Bound And Gagged In A Dark Office

Alice in Wonderland - Trying to Behead the Cheshire Cat.

"That was Albert. He was at a demonstration against global warming and now he's in the hospital with frostbite."

'Yes,I did order an extra barrel,but for my shotgun.'

'You're not really into this, are you Mahoney?'