Contradictory Rule Appreciators Gifts

'Mom's weird -- she lets us play in the mud, but she won't let us watch dirty movies.'

"Think outside the box but never forget who owns the box."

"To be honest, I don't believe in ghosts."

"I hate it when we fight."

"Now that's what I'M talkin' 'bout!"

"I've never read such utter nonsense! There's a guy here reckons we're all living in some kind of computer simulation!"

"Big n' tall" "Small n' long"

"I speak Latin, you know."

Pessimists v Optimists.

"Back in my day, kids had a little respect for the law of gravity."

"Kiss, you idiot. Not hiss."

Big business is not evil

"No aliens"

"Apparently, if you understand it, you don’t understand it."

"I found another great book about living with less stuff."

'Oops! Looks like I've broken every rule in the book.'

"I appreciate how you've protected my privacy, Doc. I'm gonna tell everybody about it on my medical rating website!"

Starving Artist Show has paintings of food.

Greeting Card Shop: No Rhyme or Reason Cards.

'I'm sure looking forward to relaxing when we get to the summit.'

Ego Publishing: 'I'm sorry, but 'Slither A Mile In My Shoes' doesn't make any sense...'

"The good news is that you'll be immortalized in a world-famous painting. The bad news...your face is stuck like that for life!"

Modern Football

'I get a lot of job offers..'

"If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it — who cares?!"

'It's a Sam Shepard play with the usual props - burnt toast, live animals, and a penis or two.'

'How To Say No To Sales People'.

Alice in Wonderland - Trying to Behead the Cheshire Cat.

You charged me for for two visits? Yes you came back for your umbrella.

Secateurs and non-secateurs

Godot Bound And Gagged In A Dark Office

'You're not really into this, are you Mahoney?'

The Badlands! A dry and deserted landscape where deadly rattlesnakes and packs of sharp-toothes coyotes roam the night looking for prey. And also, Fifi.

'Yes,I did order an extra barrel,but for my shotgun.'

Maybe we never actually do anything because we keep calling for a show of hands.