Contradictory Personality Appreciator Gifts

'I want something that says I'm a death and sex obsessed psycho... with a heart of gold.'

"To be honest, I don't believe in ghosts."

Wagging Dog

"I hate it when we fight."

"I've never read such utter nonsense! There's a guy here reckons we're all living in some kind of computer simulation!"

"Big n' tall" "Small n' long"

Real Estate Personals

'Well this is awkward.'

"Why can't we just have a normal home security system like the neighbours."

"No aliens"

"Apparently, if you understand it, you don’t understand it."

John Prescott

Flatware Follies.

'I'm sure looking forward to relaxing when we get to the summit.'

'How To Say No To Sales People'.

'You are a credit to the human race, Yardsley. Unfortunately, you're a liability to this firm.'

The Badlands! A dry and deserted landscape where deadly rattlesnakes and packs of sharp-toothes coyotes roam the night looking for prey. And also, Fifi.

"We’re going to have to be very discreet. We don’t travel together, and we don’t dine together."

"That was Albert. He was at a demonstration against global warming and now he's in the hospital with frostbite."

'You're not really into this, are you Mahoney?'

'I have a very neat desk but a very messy computer desktop.'

"You shouldn't be so afraid of the dentist."

'Mom's weird -- she lets us play in the mud, but she won't let us watch dirty movies.'

'Rodney, I don't know what to make of you. You're bored by excitement, and excited by boredom.'

'You don't know what a treat it is for me to run into you!'

"Santa gets away with it because it shakes like a bowl full of jelly, not beer."

Cowboys in a saloon gather around a Georgia O'Keefe painting.

"I don't care if you are the invisible man, sir, I can't let you in if you're not wearing a tie!"

Angel/Devil.

Nun reading book titled 'How to be good in bed.'