Contracts Pillows

'Sold my soul to the devil, but held on to the intellectual property rights.'

'Okay, Simms, we have a verbal agreement, but I'd like my lawyer to check it.'

Boss talking to lawyer, 'These new Terms and Conditions you've drafted for us are extremely long and overly complex - our customers are never going to be able to understand them. Well done Jones!'

"Can you have another look at this? There's still a few sentences people might understand..."

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

"A handshake is as good as a thirty-page contract, eh, Mr. Harrison?"

"Now he can say he ran it by legal."

'Sorry...I don't deal with lease issues.'

'These are tough times to be a contract law attorney. Everything's written in stone.'

'What part of etc, etc, etc don't you understand?'

'Upset at you for breaching the non-compete? Of course not.'

GPC negotiators will only take on 'merited criticism'.

'An oral contract is not worth the paper it's written on.'

"Sign here to indicate you have no idea what you've signed."

'Put it in writing!'

"The fine print, in the contract, can be read only if held up to a mirror."

"These are the benefits you were guaranteed when you joined this firm - and this is a match."

"Of course under the new contract 24 hour cover will be optional..."

'This agreement doesn't allow much wiggle room.'

"Sign the contract first kid, then you get the sweets!"

"You may read the small print Mr Hill, but you obviously didn't read the microscopic print!"

Jungle of Paragraphs.

'Take this win-lose agreement over to legal and ask them to make it look like a win-win agreement.'

'Politics-free contract that was only a dream.'

'The fine print can be read only if held up to a mirror.'

'There's no use complaining, clause 34 section 67 of your contract says '...and any other duties as outlined by your manager'.'

'Our auto leasing contract is being recalled to correct a defect in the wording. It's not vague enough.'

"We-your agents, successors, licensees, and assigns--would like to share a few thoughts with you."

"The language in this contract is wordy and indirect, and uses unnecessary technical words and phrases. I'm very impressed."

'Sorry, but pinky swear doesn't cut it anymore. My attorney has a few documents for you to sign.'

"We can strike the clause that allows us to take your firstborn male child if you miss a payment. It's really just in there because people expect it to be."

'I hope you realize, Madelaine, that you're in violaton of section G, paragraph 3a, of our prenuptial agreement.'

"... Sure. I'll agree to a verbal contract, so long as you agree to sign it."

"No, no. The contract I signed was of the non-binding kind."

We agreed that your contract was too complicated so we redrafted it to cover your new responsibilities...