Contract Wizard Pillows

'Sold my soul to the devil, but held on to the intellectual property rights.'

"There. Now it's all on paper. Feel better?"

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

"I was hoping we could avoid the middleman"

'Yes Peeves, I know our Terms and Conditions are virtually incomprehensible and very difficult for our customers to understand. It took our legal team almost six months to re-word them like that!'

'I'm a writer. Boilerplate.'

'I have to write a few reports, draw up some contracts, and take care of the office guinea pig over the weekend.'

"This is Brad. If there's a loophole, he'll find it."

'This is my partner. He'll be taking care of the small print.'

'Upset at you for breaching the non-compete? Of course not.'

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

"We-your agents, successors, licensees, and assigns--would like to share a few thoughts with you."

'I'd like your permission to enter into pre-nuptial negotiations...'

Deadline

"Whaddya want for nineteen mil?"

". . . so, all I really need to do is change one word."

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

"Gracie's the only kid I know who offers El Cucuy under her bed a no-compete contract."

"I like your thinking Steve. Hiding the contract loopholes under the staples is brilliant."

'There's really no need for confusion. Part 95 of section 33 of Article L in the contract clearly states ...'

'You have the contract drafted by the lawyer. This is his bill for it.'

"Stop, stop right there. That's it, that's the Anderson contract."

'I'll take the one on the right.'

Henceforth including, but expressly not limited to love and honor and cherish and ... These vows are light on romance, but they're iron-clad legally!

'I have enough confidence in our project to put our money where our lawyer's mouth is.'

'He followed me home, Mom. Can I sign him to a five-year, $80-million contract?..'

"A handshake is as good as a thirty-page contract, eh, Mr. Harrison?"

'Sorry...I don't deal with lease issues.'

'There's no use complaining, clause 34 section 67 of your contract says '...and any other duties as outlined by your manager'.'

'This is Osgood, our most essential man -- he thinks up new ways to limit warranties!'

We agreed that your contract was too complicated so we redrafted it to cover your new responsibilities...

"My loophole out-loopholes your loophole."

"You may have been the victim of a mis-sold PFI contract..."

"Norman doesn't like any loose ends in his contracts, he likes everything tied up tight...it can be a problem..."

"You're one of the short termed employed. You're out of here tomorrow."