Contracts Manager Gifts

'This service has been brought back in house and outsourced numerous times, I propose that as the contract is up for renewal again we consider 'shaking it all about''

'I'm sure that one wasn't there last week.'

Hollywood Sign Developers

'This is my partner. He'll be taking care of the small print.'

Painting by the numbers for adults

'Still having a hard time finding day care?'

'These elves sure are helpful around the house.'

Why it's bad when home owners change their minds about the bathroom's location late in a building project.

"Yes, I know they fit, it's just not what I pictured for a three car garage!"

Tool Box

'How many studio apartment construction projects did you say you'd worked on before?'

"This the first time you guys ever installed an above-ground pool?"

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

'Upset at you for breaching the non-compete? Of course not.'

This will be an environmentally sound house built entirely from trees that fell over naturally from old age.

God's Subcontractors

"We're having one heck of a time building that trapezoidal thing of yours..."

"I think I perferred the plain magnolia"

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

'You've reached McWit Quality Construction. If your foundation has cracked, press 1, if your plumbing is leaking press 2, if your house is collapsing, press 3 ...'

Crane operator Jimmy Morrison liked to break in new guys by giving them what he called a 'sky wedgie.'

'I don't care what the blueprints say, I'm certain HE strongly suggested a roof.'

"We-your agents, successors, licensees, and assigns--would like to share a few thoughts with you."

'To close the deal, I had to make some minor concessions.'

'Don't worry. They say the first 24 months of living in a house during remodeling are the hardest.'

The new contract didn't leave him much room to maneuver his hoverdesk.

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

Fuel bill gone through the roof

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

'I'd like your permission to enter into pre-nuptial negotiations...'

'I installed all the floor tiles by myself. I did it all by tile and error.'

BEWARE OF THE DOG!; 'So much for management's pledge to bargain in good faith.'

Unable to afford scaffolding, Dave ties plungers on his feet to get up a wall.

Texturing the Walls

Home De-Po. Things you need for your project. Things you didn't know you needed until you were halfway through your project.