Contractors Gifts

'Perhaps an E.U. summit might help.'

"We've decided to convert the dungeon into studio apartments, so kill all the prisoners."

'What am I going to do now that I've won the lottery? Stay in the contracting until it runs out.'

"Excuse me, One has not actually signed the agreement yet!"

"On our budget, I'm glad the Keebler Elves were available."

'We'd like you to put a cat-flap in!'

'Smiley Faced Contractors, Kinder Gentler Destruction.

'Remember, this is only a temp position.'

'It's not so much the distance to your proposed house site, but that I'm not familiar with your planet's building codes.'

Incoming Defense Cuts.

'This is my partner. He'll be taking care of the small print.'

Painting by the numbers for adults

'Still having a hard time finding day care?'

'These elves sure are helpful around the house.'

Why it's bad when home owners change their minds about the bathroom's location late in a building project.

'How many studio apartment construction projects did you say you'd worked on before?'

"Yes, I know they fit, it's just not what I pictured for a three car garage!"

Tool Box

"This the first time you guys ever installed an above-ground pool?"

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

'Upset at you for breaching the non-compete? Of course not.'

This will be an environmentally sound house built entirely from trees that fell over naturally from old age.

God's Subcontractors

"I think I perferred the plain magnolia"

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

'You've reached McWit Quality Construction. If your foundation has cracked, press 1, if your plumbing is leaking press 2, if your house is collapsing, press 3 ...'

"The little engine that could... after taking advantage of family connections, a trust fund, working two years for free as an intern, and finally getting hired as an independent contractor."

Crane operator Jimmy Morrison liked to break in new guys by giving them what he called a 'sky wedgie.'

'I don't care what the blueprints say, I'm certain HE strongly suggested a roof.'

"We-your agents, successors, licensees, and assigns--would like to share a few thoughts with you."

'Don't worry. They say the first 24 months of living in a house during remodeling are the hardest.'

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

Fuel bill gone through the roof

The new contract didn't leave him much room to maneuver his hoverdesk.

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'