Building Contractor Gifts

'Don't worry, the first 30 years of contracting are the hardest.'

"I think we can agree that the bridge collapsing is not a good thing."

"I remodelled, but I left it so that when danger threatens I can still take refuge in the redoubt."

'We've had an application from No.10 Downing Street. . . they need to extend their cabinet room.'

'Criminal mastermind.'

Brick Salesman

'I guess I should have taken your advice and used a building contractor.'

The seemingly wanton destruction of private property corp.

"That? Oh, that's the contractor insult tax. We add that to the invoice when a customer treats us as if we're somehow constantly contriving to rip them off."

Grenfell: Where the buck stops

Paul Revere's Side Hustle

"We do demolitions quickly and thoroughly. We let my teenage kids and their friends have a party in the house in question."

"Living in a city with functional infrastructure must be so boring."

'I'm sure that one wasn't there last week.'

Young Frank Lloyd Wright

Hollywood Sign Developers

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

Lady using paint roller as rolling pin for baking dough.

"I built this tree house for my kids. But it's so private, I've decided to use it as my home office."

'When I grow up, I want to be a hydraulic engineer...'

'Hmph. College kids.'

Pipe Dream.

Painting by the numbers for adults

'Good news. I found where the termites have been living.'

'These elves sure are helpful around the house.'

'Still having a hard time finding day care?'

Why it's bad when home owners change their minds about the bathroom's location late in a building project.

"Thanks! Carl put his heart and soul into it, along with, of course, lots of mud and a boatload of his own saliva."

'How many studio apartment construction projects did you say you'd worked on before?'

"As I understand it, after this scaffolding comes down the city will be done."

"Yes, I know they fit, it's just not what I pictured for a three car garage!"

Tool Box

Shed Into Dream Playhouse.

"This the first time you guys ever installed an above-ground pool?"

"Measure twice, cut once...and curse three times!"