Contracts Officer Gifts

The contract was not worth the paper it was written on, which considering the paper was not a good sign.

'This is my partner. He'll be taking care of the small print.'

Painting by the numbers for adults

'These elves sure are helpful around the house.'

'Still having a hard time finding day care?'

Why it's bad when home owners change their minds about the bathroom's location late in a building project.

Tool Box

'How many studio apartment construction projects did you say you'd worked on before?'

"Yes, I know they fit, it's just not what I pictured for a three car garage!"

"This the first time you guys ever installed an above-ground pool?"

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

'Upset at you for breaching the non-compete? Of course not.'

This will be an environmentally sound house built entirely from trees that fell over naturally from old age.

"I think I perferred the plain magnolia"

God's Subcontractors

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

'You've reached McWit Quality Construction. If your foundation has cracked, press 1, if your plumbing is leaking press 2, if your house is collapsing, press 3 ...'

'I don't care what the blueprints say, I'm certain HE strongly suggested a roof.'

"We-your agents, successors, licensees, and assigns--would like to share a few thoughts with you."

'To close the deal, I had to make some minor concessions.'

'Don't worry. They say the first 24 months of living in a house during remodeling are the hardest.'

The new contract didn't leave him much room to maneuver his hoverdesk.

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

Fuel bill gone through the roof

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

'I'd like your permission to enter into pre-nuptial negotiations...'

'I installed all the floor tiles by myself. I did it all by tile and error.'

Unable to afford scaffolding, Dave ties plungers on his feet to get up a wall.

"Whaddya want for nineteen mil?"

Man finishing painting through flap in door.

Texturing the Walls

"Nice work on that German contract. You've made your mark, Ashworth."

'We finished all the repairs in the cafeteria kitchen this morning, but the food still tastes lousy.'