Contract Lawyer Gifts

'These are tough times to be a contract law attorney. Everything's written in stone.'

GPC negotiators will only take on 'merited criticism'.

Same Day Glasses - "They'll be ready in a month. It's not my fault you couldn't read the fine print."

"When examining these new contracts, gentlemen, please note that in Paragraph 48 the word 'golden' has been replaced by 'plywood' and 'parachute' is now 'toboggan.'"

"No, no. The contract I signed was of the non-binding kind."

'But how could me speaking at the Secret New Products Seminar break our Confidentiality Agreement?'

"I always find the Contract Attorney's Special amusing. The price is always in extremely fine print."

"If you read the small print you'll see that the 95 miles to the gallon was only when the car was being towed."

'Well so much for not needing a break clause in the lease.'

Aways read the small print.

Strike That Clause

"I've dotted the I's, crossed the T's, and accented the vowels."

"Why would I lie to you? I pay lawyers to do that."

"Please sign in all the places indicated."

Boss, what if I told you I forgot to lock up last night and someone totally robbed us blind? I'd say "no problem," because of your contract. My contract? It allows me to auction off your less vital internal organs to recover any damages you cause me. You really should read the fine print before you sign the papers, minion. I did. But I wrote in finer print that all fine print is null and void. Only the ruling class can use fine print, minion.

"I never sign without reading it first."

Secular damnation

'This is my partner. He'll be taking care of the small print.'

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

'Upset at you for breaching the non-compete? Of course not.'

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

"We structured the deal so it won't make any sense to you."

"We-your agents, successors, licensees, and assigns--would like to share a few thoughts with you."

The new contract didn't leave him much room to maneuver his hoverdesk.

"Okay, I'll renew your contract and raise you five sick days."

"Whaddya want for nineteen mil?"

"Nice work on that German contract. You've made your mark, Ashworth."

The Devil's in the detail!

'Our union contract keeps us from cutting salaries, but nothing prevents us from charging for parking.'

"This is what happens when you award the contract to the cheapest tender...."

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

"Gracie's the only kid I know who offers El Cucuy under her bed a no-compete contract."

"I like your thinking Steve. Hiding the contract loopholes under the staples is brilliant."

'There's really no need for confusion. Part 95 of section 33 of Article L in the contract clearly states ...'

"Stop, stop right there. That's it, that's the Anderson contract."