Contortionist Reader Gifts

Multitasking

Romantic Giraffes

Not to be a motion picture. Will remain just a book.

'You know bank pens never work. Why didn't you write the holdup note before we left?!'

"The only hobby we tolerate is working on weekends."

Two Generations of Readers

'The pile of unread books by the bed looks bigger than the futon...'

'Thanks for the book, dad. Now I can reach my computer!'

Creating dummy corporations for dummies.

"You notice all the books behind me...one of these days I'll get around to read one."

'And I say he makes us look bad when he rides around listening to those books.'

Library: Self-Help Books and Blame a 'Rigged' Political System.

'An ebook! What are you reading?' 'Against technology: From the Luddites to neo-Luddism.'

D. H. Lawrence

Book

'For the sake of convenience everybody just calls me Joe.'

"Yuck! Som'one left their nose in this book!"

Those magnificent men and their reading machines.

Gymnast tangled up.

'Which? Covid-19 Variant' Guide.

'I'll never forget, it was the day before Newton discovered gravity.'

Man looks worried, as his fellow castaway reads book: 'Cannibalism for Dummies'.

". . . and if anyone here knows any reason why these two should not be wed, any reason at all, like, say, something that might have happened after a long heart-to-heart and a few too many drinks, for instance, last week maybe, something you felt bad enough to bring to Confession, which you definitely should have, because it's pretty serious- anyway, speak now..."

Best Sellers; Worst Sellers.

'I'm determined to get on that ethics committee if I have to bribe or blackmail everyone I know.'

"I know it's a foreign book...but I'm reading it with a local accent."

"Your morbid curiosity about the afterlife is scaring the children."

'I don't want surgery...can you just touch up the x-rays?'

"...Selected for redundancy due to lengthy and unexplained absence ... blah...blah..."

'Only PEOPLE have the right to an attorney!'

The Ekert Saga: 'Excuse me, Sir...I've been doing some research on the anti-Ekert, and we need to be very careful once we find him...if they make physical contact, the universe would implode.'

"This one suggests I take a long walk off a short pier and this one says to go jump in the lake...I could use a vacation."

Multitasking

"My daughter tells me that you work in the entertainment industry?"

"Your book nauseated me. Did you do that on purpose?"