Contortionist Gifts

Pretzel Co: 'Tell me...why should we hire you?'

"It hurts when I do this ... "

"It hurts when I do THIS!"

"That's it? After 27 years of therapy to get your act together and that's it?"

'We gather here today in memory of Frank, beloved husband, father, friend and contortionist. . .'

"My daughter tells me that you work in the entertainment industry?"

National Union of Contortionists: We vote with our feet

Contortionist

Contortionist seeks housing.

"Fancy going on a bender tonight?"

"It says here that you're a contortionist and since your accident you've not been able to make ends meet."

I'm having trouble making ends meet.

Picking your nose in manacles

A naked acrobat takes a selfie

Yoga for Alcoholics

Romantic Giraffes

"Listen to me, Nathan. Chicks love bad boys."

Opera singer singing to her partner who is wearing a gas mask on due to her bad breath.

"Mum can you come home quick, dad's started to make an exhibition of himself again!"

"Is that Technical Support? My computer's fine - I just don't know how to operate my chair."

"You're one of the short termed employed. You're out of here tomorrow."

Artistic license.

Paul was certain he had the largest pumpkin, until he discovered he was the smallest man.

Tank color choices.

Gymnast tangled up.

Multitasking

'These are my dieting glasses. They magnify the food so I think I'm eating more than I really am.'

Mime Prison

'He's at the pinnacle, but not at the pinnacle of his PROFESSION.'

Multitasking

'Convention time in the liar's club.'

'We find this miniature rock band helps the illusion of a live band experience.'

Yoga Class. Ernie, check this out -- The "lotus" position! Looks more like the "low-tush" position!

Planning officer has a man in his in-tray: 'In order to speed up the system, I have my own personal member of the public to consult.'

Now hiring - All positions.